The next step was to gather as much positive vibes as I could, beginning with my usual early morning breath meditation exercise before work: getting out onto my balcony, inhaling the cool morning air deeply, thereby taking in fresh energy, too, while gazing at the stars winking in the sky and a few fluffy clouds hovering by. On exhaling, I envisioned releasing the thoughts, that had brought me the pain and sadness...
The almost clear sky and dry morning air held the promise of a fair day ahead... and as I went to work a while later, I saw Venus twinkling in the sky, while the eastern horizon was beginning to light up. By then, there were no clouds in the sky, and the sun rose to start a very bright and sunny day - totally untypical for the trademark gloomy November, the most morbid of all months, with all those holidays commemorating the dead... Today was a really lively day, and just what I needed, too.
|Venus, winking through treetops, while the eastern horizon lights up...|
|...promising a bright, sunny day (as the cloudless deep blue sky proved later on)|
During my office day, I made sure to spend every break I took outdoors, on the office parking lot, basking in the sunshine, taking in as much light and warmth as possible... after all, one very good way to trigger the internal happy pills and prevent autumn depression is to take in as much daylight as possible. Not to mention, it triggers Vitamin D production, too. While doing so, I took off my flip-flops, feeling the sun-warmed parking lot pavement with my bare soles - another natural happy pill: being barefoot.
While doing that, I listened to soothing Ambient music on my MP3 player, making sure to concentrate on nothing but breathing and relaxing...
It gave me temporary exits from "The Matrix!" of reports, spreadsheets and figures, which were waiting for me on my two monitors at the desk above. And I was able to gather some more positive vibes to make the pain of my heart and soul I had felt earlier decrease and gradually vanish.
It was, as if Mother Nature had decided to write a prescription just for me, sensing that this kind of bright day was just what I needed. And when I came home after work, it looked like She had forgotten to take the feather She had used to write it down with Her... it was still visible in the sky...
I know, that I will sleep better tonight (not only because I lost some sleep last night), feeling better after receiving this portion of healing.
One might say, that I am too sensitive (or weak, if they wish to demean it), allowing a word or two to hurt me so easily. Actually, I believe that this kind of sensitivity is part of my strength of heart and soul - it proves, that I am able to feel and have overcome the emotional callous I once developed as a protection, but which also served to shut out the people I loved. Never again will I allow that to happen.
I rather choose the pain - and rely on healing to come when needed.
Today it has worked.