Donnerstag, 23. August 2012

"I fuck using green power!"

Actually, this is not my personal belief on green electricity, but the title of a newspaper column in the German newspaper "taz" translated to English...

Here's the whole article, originally written in German:

“I fuck using green power!”

Written by Margarete Stokowski, translated from German by ~*Ganesha*~

Original photo from the "taz" article

I’m a bit embarrassed now, but I broke my vibrator. Yes, indeed, while using it! Stupid thing. It just went “crack!”. It looked just the same, outwardly, still nicely pink and smooth, but suddenly you could bend it to a u-shape and there was a cluttering sound, as if loose plastic bits were hitting each other. Something like this is not supposed to happen.

It was no cheap model, either, but came from a renowned brand. It cost me about 60 Euros and even won a design award. And the best thing about it: it was rechargeable. A vibrator that could be charged using green electricity – that’s something I found really sexy!

When I moved into my new apartment and changed my electricity provider, I got stickers with my new contract, reading: “Great for world climate!” (the German original reads “Prima furs Klima”), “Green Power User” and “We work with green electricity”. I found these stickers a bit wisecracking, so I kept them hidden in a drawer for two years. “I fuck using green power!” would have been a sticker I’d have put somewhere, though. On my front door, preferably… in case Jehova’s Witnesses ring to ask “Do you know Jesus?” I could reply “No, but I fuck using green power!”.

Anyway, Poseidon – that’s what I called it, for it was waterproof – was broken. I was sad. After all, one tends to build up a relationship to one’s small electric appliances over time. I told a friend about my tragedy, but she just laughed and asked “What, you only have one vibrator?? Tough luck!”. Stefan, my boyfriend, on the other hand, was glad that just the vibrator was broken and nothing else.

I just googled “Poseidon”, for I was unsure how it’s spelled. Doing that, I learned that Poseidon is not just the ancient Greek god of the seas but also the trigger of earthquakes. How fitting. But now he’s dead. So, now I’ve bought two new vibrators, with slightly different shapes, for testing purposes. One of them is called “Paul” by the company. I think, I’ll stick with that name. Although, it’s a little awkward, since I want to call my son “Paul”, and I can’t really name my firstborn after my vibrator, or can I? Well, bad luck – good sex is my first priority in this matter, now.

Paul looks like a worm and is designed for the G-spot. Stefan calls it “going ‘round the corner”. And then I’ve also bought a second one which still has to arrive by mail, for I ordered it online. I’m very excited to get it. It has a silly brand name, but since it’s waterproof like my old one, I’m calling it “Amphitrite”. A female name. I’m really excited.

”Next week, I’ll have my first date with Amphitrite”, I told Stefan. “I hope she’s hot!”, he replied. “Me too!”, I said. “Since you’ve paid for her”, he said, “she’s almost like your call-girl”. “Aw, don’t put it this way”, I replied, “for she’s going to stay longer than just one night”. “That’s true”, Stefan answered. “She’ll certainly fall in love with you.” 

I’m counting on it.

Margarete Stokowski is
a regular author of articles
and columns for "taz"

The original German article can be read here:!100127/

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