In my case, it's also fact, since the last four weeks at work have been taxing, having to do overtime, working on Saturdays - thus shortening the much-needed recharge time on weekends - and still having to perform and function. Where finding and maintaining the balance between functioning and living are concerned, the latter fell a little short.That can happen, but it made me emotionally vulnerable.
Despite the funny nature of the cartoon above, I sometimes felt like that. I noticed my sleep cycle becoming erratic, often falling asleep in the early evening, to wake up at night, sometimes with only the time of a nap left before having to get up again. On the shortened weekends, I spent the Sundays most often indoors, lazy, not taking the opportunities of sunny days to get out and recharge outdoors. In hindsight, a big mistake.
By and by, I became emotionally thin-skinned enough to have one word affect me the way it did. Actually, it was a warning sign of what many people in fact-and-figure, number-crunching jobs, doing overtime face, when not using the sparce free time to properly relax and find healing: burn-out syndrome and depression. Realizing that today, I decided to shift the weights of functioning versus living back to the more important latter part. After having had a good night's sleep, waking up refreshed, making sure to gather some more positive power, I saw a destination ahead, promising a time of relaxation and healing longer than just a weekend: three weeks to go until I have a week off, right at the start of winter.
And on the way there, I decided to change my habits of going to sleep, practising the art of leaving the influence of the artificial office world behind, when leaving it in the afternoon and switching to heart, soul and spirit recharging mode the way I used to.
Plus, when it comes to looking back at the past, I received some support by a message on a Facebook page, reading as follows:
I'm not sad about what my life has become... it deviated from some plans I made originally, but I walked a road, leading me to very interesting places, events and encounters with interesting and inspiring people. Some of them have become friends of mine and a few special people also have my love (and always will).
When treating my past life like a book (as in the "re-reading the past" reference in my earlier post), I will now stick to the chapters containing the joy, the wonderful moments, the people who have left their footprints on my heart and these special ones who still dwell there, even if they are far from me, as far as distance is concerned.
Those I hold dear and feel love for, live in my heart as if it were a meadow on a sunny summer day, laying in the grass, inhaling the sweet scent of flowers, a gentle breeze wafting around them. Occasionally they skip and jump around, their bare feet feeling the softness of the weeds underfoot, dancing happily. And if they wish to, they do so skyclad as well... my heart is a place of everlasting summer warmth, making it possible to be naturally nude, never in need of clothes or shoes. When it's warm enough, those are only "necessary" for social taboo reasons, anyway.
"Ah, right, he's writing about being naked again", a mainstream reader might now sigh...
Yes, I do, for that's in fact a crucial part of being me and of my personal recharging and healing program. Being a naturist, I live naked at home. It is the most natural state of being to me. And touching the ground with my bare soles still is and always will be my direct connection to Mother Nature, my bare feet being the very nodes of my body to draw and gather positive energy and good vibes from Her by being directly in touch. And I want to share that sensation with the beings I love... therefore, it's not a sexual thought when I envision them dancing and frolicking naked on that sunny meadow, but it's rather sharing the feeling of being fully in touch with Nature, being our natural selves, not constricted by social hang-ups.
Doing that recharging outdoors in Nature is becoming a little more of a challenge with temperatures dropping near winter levels now... I am hoping for sunny days, when the rare November mildness allows me to spend some skyclad time in the sun. I still observe my daily morning exercise of doing a nude breath meditation on my balcony, drawing positive energy from the early morning air, followed by a mug of morning coffee, extra-strong and double-sweet.
So, focusing again on the very "hippie" part of my being, I feel like coming up for air, before drowning in the rough waters of "The Matrix!" known as office work. Now, it's time to once again stop thrashing around in those waters and float and swim with the current, instead of going under.
After four weeks of weekend work, I am facing now a free Saturday and Sunday... making it easier to recharge, before beginning the three-week countdown to my leave. And now, it's really time to express my joy and celebrate the final work day of the week lying ahead - and this time, celebrating it with an image that looks very much like the inside of my big happy hippie heart...
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